Loan - Not closing now

I'm up; I'm down.

I was out working today and got a call from the loan processor who said she was so sorry to have to call and tell me, but when they were reviewing their final documents, they realized that the person who took our application and who provided them the value of the home did not include any supporting documents (i.e., the one that was lost) and so they were going to have to go with the appraisal, effectively reducing our loan amount by $3,000. *sigh*

I tried to not burst into tears on her (haha) and told her that I could not believe that this corporation has now secured three in person appraisals on my house in the past 16 months and one paper appraisal -- all of which said the same amount except for the last one and they are going to go with the last one. I can't believe that because they lost the appraisal, they are going to make us pay for that. She did say that she will send it back to the underwriters with that information and ask them to review it again and make an exception. That effectively cancelled our closing date on Thursday and now we will hear their decision on Thursday instead.

I'm tired. I feel defeated. I feel like I continue to Super-Glue my heart back together after every one of these defeats only to have Satan come along and take a sledge-hammer to it again.

I continue to try to be faithful. After each setback, I continue to tell God I will love him no matter what, but I am to the point that I don't feel like trying anymore. I feel like God is saying, "No" to us. I don't understand. I felt God so clearly speak to me on Wednesday. I felt that he was affirming us when we got the loan approval and closing date on Monday. Now, here it is Tuesday, and it's all just broken down again. I can't make sense of it all.

I just know that this whole process has broken me. I'm to the point where I just want to quit -- to give in and say, "Enough; no more." I want my baby girl so unbelievably badly, but when do you have to say, "This isn't working."?

I want to stay positive -- I truly do. I want to say, "Ok, just another small speed bump." But it's hard -- really, really hard to continue to do this.

I'm working really hard to get my regular inspections caught up from where I got behind with being out of town. Tomorrow is Halloween and I have cupcakes to make for Joshua's party. We need to go to the nursing home, and we need to help out at church tomorrow night. I have appointments both today and tomorrow. I've been in the field all week. I still have about 110 jobs to enter from the last trip. The yard sale stuff is not priced and is not washed. I have tubs of clothes that have to be washed and priced along with a storage building full of items to be priced. It is Tuesday and the yard sale starts Friday. Hmmmm.... Kevin leaves tonight to go to Memphis. I leave Sunday morning for the nine hour drive to South Carolina. I have 510 inspections to still complete there. I really just want some sleep, but don't have an opening for that. :-) Ok, so I'm whining--a lot. I'm getting on my own nerves. I just need to get this off my chest -- and then go make some cupcakes. Photos to follow of cupcakes!!!