Thursday, January 10, 2008

Humor Break - Cat Resolutions

Proverbs 17:17 - [The Message]
Friends love through all kinds of weather,
and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.

Ok, after many serious posts, we will now take time for a funny post. Kevin sent me an email entitled: For Cat Lovers only. Being a cat lover, I opened it to find a great list of My Cat's New Year's Resolutions. I hope you enjoy them.

Your Cat's New Year's Resolutions
  • My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
  • I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
  • I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
  • I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
  • We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
  • I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
  • If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
  • I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
  • I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
  • If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
  • When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
  • I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
  • When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
  • I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
  • When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.
  • Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
  • I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.

I'm now going to add some of my own (from, um, personal experiences):

  • I will not beat up the dog just because he is afraid of me; I will not eat his food.
  • I will not wake my owners up daily at 5:30 to eat and then again at 6:00 to be let outside.
  • I will not kill the birds eating at the bird feeder my owner put out -- no matter how fat and tasty they look. Should I slip and fail, I will NOT leave the dead carcuses on the front porch.
  • I will not beat up my brothers and sisters.
  • I will not scream for milk everytime someone goes into the kitchen.
  • I will not hide in the dryer.
  • I will not snort grass out my nose and cost my owner a lot of money.
  • The laptop is not a heated bed for me to lay on while my owner tries to work.

Proverbs 18:19 - [The Message]

Do a favor and win a friend forever; nothing can untie that bond.

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