Last Post from Bishkek -- For a While

Our Internet will "cut-off" here at 6:30 p.m. so we have another two and a half hours before we are "incommunicado". I leave this country with a renewed appreciation of the United States. I am amazed at how we can all exist on this planet with such inequity.

I will walk away forever changed for more reasons than I can say. I will no longer see the photos of children in foreign countries and think of them as an "abstract". They now have a face in my mind, a place in my heart. I've looked at the two calendars we bought while here -- photos by Andrew Chen. If you get a chance, check out his website at: http://www.andrewchen.biz/. He's a local photographer who takes breathtaking photos of the beautiful nature in this country. I wish he were my "tour guide" and could take me all over this country and show me these sights in person. Since I don't anticipate having this happen, I can live vicariously through his photos.

And so we leave, for now. I know there will be other trips here -- but none exactly the same as this first one. I will never have these first experiences that I have had on this trip. I hope the sights of poverty and need never become so "normal" to me that I am not shocked and moved.

I pray each day for the child of ours that we know has not been born yet. Is she the daughter of the pregnant woman we saw out the window when we first arrived, washing clothes in tubs? Is she the daughter of a nomadic woman living in a yurt in the middle of the mountains and valleys of the Naryn valley? Is she the daughter of a city woman living in a Bishkek apartment? Of this, I do not know and may never know. I am saddened by the fact that this mother is going to have to make a choice soon -- I know the pain of choices, the questions, the heartache. I wrestle with reconciling my desires for a daughter with the pain of a mother who will make a heartbreaking choice. This imperfect world we live in is impossible to reconcile from a human standpoint.

I finally downloaded the photos from our last day at the orphanage in Tokmok -- the day we spent before we knew. I thought it would be harder. It was hard to look at them for sure, but I know she is not our daughter. It doesn't make me care for her any less. She is still a tiny baby, a human life, an orphan and those things alone make my heart ache for and love her. I'm glad to know that she will get help and I will continue to pray for a family for her.

My blessings to Suzanne and Ann B who we will likely "pass" in the air as they are both on their way here to meet their daughters.

Our hotel bill (and internet) is paid. For those who plan to stay at the Silk Road, we used the internet A LOT everyday and it came out to be about $14.25 a day. You are "given" 60 MB a day free. I had a lot of photos to upload for work and the boys played a lot of games online so we thought that wasn't too bad. It was high speed and worked about 95% of the time we were here.
The next time I write, I will be back home and so thankful. Would it be inappropriate to kiss the ground?? :-)