Thursday, June 5, 2008

Prayers Needed for our Family

This is the hardest post I may ever have to write.

Our family has been dealt a devastating blow today and we request your prayers. We received test results today indicating the baby we had planned to adopt, our Ellie, has a medical issue that we do not feel qualified, as a family, to handle. We do not feel it is appropriate to expound more on that as it is her personal story and truly not ours to share. However, what is ours to share is the pain and loss we are feeling as we have decided that we are unable to accept the referral of this beautiful baby. We ask that you are supportive should you choose to leave a comment as we are not emotionally up to defending our decision at this point. We are emotionally not up to much. All three of us have sobbed and held one another through this grief that has felt immensely like a death. It is a death -- the death of the dream of our life with this precious child.

We did not make this decision lightly. We have considered our lives as a family and her life and how the two would inter-relate and have determined that we are just not able to parent her in the way she will require. We are broken.

In this brokenness, however, we are held up and together by the God who met us in that room with the test results. He was with me in the car on the way there as I prayed to be able to accept anything they might find. He has held us when we cried. I spent the afternoon reading the Bring the Rain blog and sobbing with her loss and her worship of God through it all. God reminded me through the one hour drive back from the orphanage of the verse He shared with the me other day today: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. I have searched for His purpose in this and have found that the "missionary work" our family might have been called to do during this two week period was to love on a sick little girl. I read, again on the Bring the Rain blog of her realization that Either You Do or You Don't (trust in God). God talked to me about this on our trip back today and through tears I admitted I do. I will trust Him. It is my choice. Does it make our pain less -- no, not really, but it does help me accept something I can't understand at all. It doesn't mean I don't question, "Why?". I surely do. It means that no matter what the answer to that question, I have to believe in His authority and superiority in making decisions for our lives.

We are in constant prayer for this little one -- that she gets the medical treatment she needs and hopefully finds a family who is more equipped to handle her needs.

Our agency is in the process of searching for another referral for us. We are unsure when this will happen. We do know that we will travel home as scheduled on Sunday. This has been especially hard on Josh. How do you explain this to a ten-year-old who was in love with a baby that should have been his sister? Life lessons like this one shouldn't have to be learned so early.

We appreciate your support of us at this time. We covet your prayers and understanding if we are a bit withdrawn for a while. We need just a little time to grieve.


Anonymous said...

I will keep you all in my prayers. Your hearts must be so heavy.

Jeanne said...

Oh Maria, my heart is broken for you all. I know the little one you have been loving these past days will be strengthened by what you have given her. What a difficult decision to make. We are all with you in your grief. Just take one day at a time.

Lisette said...


You don't know me. I'm on the Kyrgyz yahoo group. Don't post much but love to read. I've been following your blog for a few weeks now. The members on that board are great but you seem especially warm and caring. Love that! My prayers are with you and your family.

Lisette (aka tallulah4226)

Dennis & Kathy Irwin said...

Maria --- I'm so sorry for the pain. I will pray for you all.

Kelli said...

Oh Maria, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I can't imagine how hard and painful the decision was. I am praying for you and your family.

Betsy said...

Lifting you and that sweet baby girl up in prayer.

Amy said...

Maria and Family,

There are no words to say except that I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. One thing you said is so right about trusting God, either we do or we don't. We have to trust him in the terrible times as well as the good times. So much of the time, we cannot make sense of the things around us, and that's okay, don't try to make sense of it, just trust Him, as you well know, He loves your family so much as well as this sweet baby girl. I will praying God's peace for your family and God's healing power for this precious angel. Please know that when you cannot seem to be able to form the words in prayer yourself, there are others who are standing in the gap for your family, going before the throne on your behalf.

Amy Hood
Smyrna, Tn

Anonymous said...

You don't know us, but my husband and I have been following your journey the last couple of weeks. We're in the process of adopting from Kazakhstan, but have been very interested in your adoption as well. I'm so so sorry for your loss and grief. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to make the decision you had to make. No condemnation here. Not everyone is equipped/able to care for special needs children and that's ok. God loves your family and He loves this little one. He will work all things for good. I'm praying for you, too.

Mayme said...

Maria, I am so sorry. My heart is broken for your family and can only imagine the pain that you are experiencing. God has a plan and we have to believe that with all our hearts. I am praying for you all and this little angel. I know that the decision that you guys made was made for all the right reasons. No one will judge you for that. May God bless your family.

corinne said...

My hearts ache with you.I pray the lord will keep you and your family lifted and carry you through this painful time.He has a plan for you.I will keep you in our most sincere prayers.We pray for you and your family and that sweet baby and your continued strength to trust in our god.

Hubbards said...

Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Oh Maria, my heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for your devastating news and that you and your family are enduring this pain. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

You are a big part of this family & we always keep you in our prays. You touch so many lifes that you don't even know. You have touched our life so much by sending us photos of our baby & letting us go with you on this trip. God is with you & always well be. There is never a time when he is not with you. Our love goes with you finding your dream. Just keep your heart open, I know that will be hard but your dream is around the conner. God sometimes tests us to see if we can handle what we are asking him for. We know you can & now God can move the mountains that stand in the way.
You have made my life a better place because you are there & I know that is not why you went here, but God uses us in so many ways. You are a blessing to us all. We will be keeping all of you in our prays for a long long time. That baby will be with God, if he knows all the hairs on our head & all the stars in the sky. He knows what we need & what that baby needs. You are stronger then you think. I hope this helps:
Isaiah 41:10,13
John 14:18
1Corinthians 15:58
2Corinthians 1:3,4
Philippians 1:6
Proverbs 3:5
Matthew 5:4
XOXO, Michele

Anonymous said...

Hi Ms. Maria
I am sitting here almost about to cry. I am so sorry for you and your family. I love you very much and I will pray for you.

Hugs and prayers,
Makayla B.

Monica said...

I'm so sorry and shocked as I know you must have been too. I'm filled with questions of HOW could this happen? I know answers won't fix your broken hearts tho. You are definitely in my prayers tonight.

Christina said...

Maria, I am so sorry and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God will see you through this.

Khakismum said...

As so many have already said, I can't imagine the pain and torment of your soul you all are going through right now. But God does and he does not call us to things for no reason. Somewhere in all this God has a purpose. Cling to that, and remember how you have trusted Him so far through this incredible journey. He WILL bring you through but in His own way and time.
I pray for peace, rest, understanding, acceptance and solace for you and Kevin and Josh. Just remember your "forever Ellie" is still out there. This little peanut just needed a little extra attention these past weeks and God sent you to do his work.
My heart is breaking with you though. Prayers and {{{hugs}}} for all of you.

Kjersten and Steve said...

We wish you strength in this incredibly difficult time. Take Care of each other, and have a safe return.

Anonymous said...

Hate to be a copycat, but I really like what khakismum said;

"just remember your "forever Ellie" is still out there. This little peanut just needed a little extra attention these past weeks and God sent you to do his work.
My heart is breaking with you though. Prayers and {{{hugs}}} for all of you."

Dee'Anna Midgett said...

Maria and family,
I am so sorry!! I am crying with you. I have you in my prayers. And I am praying for that little baby also. Love always Dee'Anna

Anonymous said...


I "know" you through the yahoo group and have been following your blog. I am so sorry for your devastating news. I am so sorry for your loss and your family.

Peace be with you,


Marcy said...

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how difficult this decision was, Maria. I am praying for you and your family.


Pamela said...

Maria, I'm so very sorrow that this has happened. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Hi Maria and family,

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I too made the decision to turn down a referral - but I had not yet met her, only carried her picture around with me for two weeks, was so sure she was my daughter and even named her. You know, it's funny - God does work his magic. The IA doc advised me that this little girl needed more resources than I as a single mom could give her, as well as a large family. Well, she was adopted by a family with five kids!
Three months later, on July 14th, 2006 Brent found me my daughter Isabella. While I am sorry you are going through this, I am so glad you are with AO. They truly have compassion. This sick little girl will find her forever home, and your daughter will find you soon!

Peace to you and your family.

Melanie, mom to Isabella born 11/25/05 home 9/16/06

baby o...eric...april said...

Maria, sending you good's journey is not always easy and I wish you & your family the strength to get through this. I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to face this. There seems to always be a reason. warmest regards, ---april h.

Clare & Jerry said...

Oh Maria,

With heavy hearts, we grieve with you and your family. We're so sorry, but know that your spirit will carry you through this bit of darkness and home to the child of your dreams.

-Clare & Jerry