Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Moving Up - again and more "Josh-isms"

How I WISH I could find the code for The Jeffersons theme song so it would play here. Ahhhh.... I tried, but alas, no luck. So imagine in your heads (again), "Well, we're movin' on up ... to the top ..."

It appears we have moved up a couple more spots on our agency list making us number 2 on the list for a referral. WHOO HOO!

I have been pondering, for a while, how to handle the issue of our referral, sharing information/photos, etc. Unfortunately, in the world of international adoption, much about the referral/matching and subsequent period of time until the adoption is complete has to be kept private. We are allowed, at our discretion, to share this information with family and close friends, but there are laws prohibiting sharing this information with, basically, "The World". To that end, I am setting up a password protected blog that will run concurrently with this blog. It will have the details for family and very close friends that we will not be allowed to share until the adoption is final. I'm sorry that it has to be that way, but it is just the way it is. I will continue to blog information that I am allowed to -- including when we get our referral, but I will not be able, on this blog, to reveal detailed information. After the adoption is complete, I will find some way to "merge" the two -- even if it means "copy/paste" from one into another so we will continue to have a log of journey so we can share all of it one day with Ellie.

Today when we told Joshua that we could possibly get our referral within the next two weeks, he said, "I'll be so happy; I'll finally be able to see my sister and give her a hug." Doesn't that make you want to MELT??? I asked him was he really serious and he said, "Yes!" I said, "Well, we'll only have a picture at first." He said, "I get it and I'm putting it in my room to look at." AWWWW!!!! I told him we'd make him a copy and he could take it and show it to his friends at school. He said, "Why?" Ok... well, um, because I thought you might want to. He said, "I'll show it to my teacher." I think he really is excited.

I was at a consignment store today and came across an embroidered sippy cup with the name ELLIE on it. How coincidental! I asked if I could buy it (it was a sample, of course) and they let me!!! Josh thinks it's too cool, but his favorite thing was a pair of shoes I found. He looked at them and said, "They are LITTLE." Then he measured them and said, "My finger is as long as her shoes." I told him that at one point his feet were that little. He was like, "No way!" I showed him the picture of him when he was about three months old -- that sits on our dresser -- and told him that this was him when he was small. It's just all amazing to him!

I spent some time on the phone tonight with another adoptive mother who is with the same agency as I am. She has adopted a daughter from China and is also still "in line" for China. We both were talking about the fact that we've gotten so good at waiting that we can't quite wrap our minds around not waiting anymore. It was great to talk to someone who understands the "loss of joy and excitement" that occurs in adoption when you wait a long time. Initially, you are SO excited about the adoption and can't imagine that it's not going to just happen very quickly because you decide to do it. Then you wait, and wait and wait some more. You experience one failure or set-back after another and your heart just becomes a bit jaded and hardened. It's a defense mechanism to more hurt, I think, to shut off the excitement. And then, when it's almost time, it seems like it's impossible to turn it back on again. It's probably something that someone who has not adopted can't quite comprehend. I've struggled with it a lot these past few months. I want to just be giddy with excitement that we are so close, but there is a strange detachment right now -- one that I really want to go away. I'm sure, once I see that photo, that it will become much more real! I'm just glad that God managed to connect my life with others who experience the same feelings so that I don't feel so "off" and "wrong". It's nice to have others to validate that what you are feeling is something they have felt as well.

And, so as not to end one some downer of a post, know that I am excited that we are near the end. I think our entire family is ready to meet this little girl of whom we have prayed for, cried over, sacrificed for, loved and laughed about for these past three years. We are ready to move on to developing what will be our "new normal" as a family of four. We are ready to experience the next phase God has to offer us as a family -- to welcome her home to her community, her family and her friends -- the ones who truly brought her home!


Terri said...

Yeah!! Moving on up...that is WONDERFUL news! I'm so excited for you and your family Maria. Come on Ellie!!

Jackie said...

It's funny that I checked your blog today as I wanted to see if there was any news as to how far you are from your referral. This is great news!!!

I am ALWAYS happy to see new families with AO getting referrals and bringing their children home.

I also understand completely about the confidentiality around this part of the process. I'll be patiently waiting to read the whole story once you merge the sites.


Anonymous said...

Yea! Come home soon, Ellie! I can't wait to hold her! Maybe she won't cry when I hold her! HAAHAHA!

Anonymous said...

YEAH!!! I am so happy that you are moving up and getting closer to your referral. We are with the same agency so I guess that means we have moved up as well!! It has been so wonderful to follow your journey thus far and I will pray that you receive your referral very soon.