Sunday, November 2, 2008

Reality Check

I've been less than honest in the spirit of giving most folks what thet want to hear and in the spirit of doing what has to be done. However, I am not doing well and I've pushed myself until I cannot push any more.

Two weeks in a foreign country with a new baby were hard -- not terrible, by any means, but hard on my body. Returning with a parasite has pretty much done me in. I kept trying to push on and go and do and I just cannot anymore.

Last night I was so incredibly sick all night long that I really thought I might end up in the hospital. The medicine I'm taking for the giardia makes me incredibly nauseous. I'm so incredibly tired all the time (and it's not from lack of sleep because poor Kevin is doing all the night time baby duty -- another fact I feel terribly guilty over), and I cannot eat as it makes me even more sick. Last night, I wanted a piece of candy to get rid of the horrible taste in my mouth and I had to throw it away because it made me even more nauseous. I can drink Sprite and Gatorade in very, very small doses, but I'm afraid of dehydrating so I force it.

How in the world can I take care of a new baby, take care o Josh, my home, my husband and even try to work as sick as I am? It's all very depressing. I know I sound like I'm whining -- and I am. I don't do sick very well and I certainly don't do sick without eating *smile* very well. I'm going to call my doctor again today to see what she says and will also call Ellie's doctor. I am scared beyond belief to try to give her the meds I'm on as they've made me so incredibly sick. I certainly would hate for her to feel this way as well, but the reality is that if she is the source of the buggy-boo, we have to treat her.

For those of you who have been concerned, no, it is not contagious except to those who are changing her diaper. So, yes, Kevin could be next in line. That would end me, I'm certain of it. Josh is FAR away from diapers *smile* as that's the one thing he won't do and I won't let him. Kevin is supposed to go back to work today. I don't have a clue how I'm going to work this. He may have to ask for some sick leave until this can pass -- another guilt moment for me. I hate asking for help -- from anyone, even him. I'm a "do-it-yourself" kind of person. Maybe this is another lesson. I'm not liking it regardless.

So, I write all this to ask you to pray for me -- for all of us really -- pray really, really hard. I need these prayers more than all the prayers offered to get her home because now she's here and I don't feel well enough to care for her.

Thank you!

14 comments:

Margaret and Tom said...

So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad...hang in there, prayers are on the way!

Buddy and Lauren's Kyrgyzstan Journey... said...

Praying for a quick recovery for you, healing for both you and baby, for the release of guilt you are feeling and that people near you reading your blog will volunteer to help out so you can rest! Sending you a big hug too!

Mom to 2 Angels said...

I will definitely be praying!! Didn't Josh just have a stomach bug before Halloween, are they sure they are treating the right thing? I wouldn't want to take that horrible medicine if they aren't sure that's what you've got. Let me know if I can just come get her for you :)

Dee'Anna said...

Maria,
I am sorry you are not feeling well. I am praying for you. I hope you get over this soon. Dee'Anna

Lori said...

Poor, poor you. I SO pray for you to feel better...and Ellie too!

Mayme said...

Hang in there Maria! The bug will pass and you will survive and think of the stories you will have to share with Ellie someday. Perhaps not the most pleasant, but
when she is a teenager and giving you some attitude, you can use this to your advantage!

I hope you are feeling well soon. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are worn out and it's okay to ask for help. Remember what the flight attendants tell us, put the oxygen mask on yourself first so that you can then take care of someone else. Right now you need the oxygen! Please call me if I can help you out.
Mayme

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry you're so ill! I don't do sick well either and taking care of my family is the last thing I can do well while sick. Praying that this will go away soon (and that no one else comes down with it!).

Kelli said...

Definitely praying for a quick recovery. I can't even imagine. Take care of yourself!

Hilary Marquis said...

You are not whining! You have been through a lot and come through it like a champ. I'm so sorry you're so miserable...I hate being sick and not eating ;) If it brings you any peace, Anara did not seem to be affected by taking the giardia meds at all, never did stop eating! And after one round of the meds she tested negative for the critters. I'll be praying for you....LET PEOPLE HELP YOU WHEN THEY OFFER!

Bridget said...

Maria,

Listen to your friends. Mayme seems particularly spot on.

Didn't you ever bring food or help a friend in need? What goes around, comes around. Time for your "around."

Hugs, love, and prayers,

Bridget

Beth said...

Feel better soon.

Lisa said...

Tindax is a new drug that works faster than Flagyl. It is used for the parasite you were told you have. Ask your doctor for an anti-emetic(anti-nausea) med. There are many out there. Eating ginger is a natural way to help with nausea but for BIG nausea I'd take an anti-emetic! Drinking highly sweetened drinks actually helps nausea sometimes.. like coke. Hope this helps you. I am a nurse.

janiece said...

Lisa is definitely on it--you need an anti-emetic. There is no reason for you to be feeling so miserable. Especially if you don't want to eat--that's when I know I'm REALLY sick. I love food waaaaayyyy too much. Flaygl didn't seem to affect Rauan at all, except he hated the taste (it's really bitter).
I hope you feel better soon--and I understand the guilt. Nurses are very bad at being sick and asking for help--so I can related. Sometimes though--we just have to ask fo help.
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH!!!

Pamela said...

Ugh. For what it's worth, I got that nasty parasite when I traveled to Kazakhstan two years ago. I was sooooo sick. Then, I ended up with a secondary and very dangerous infection because of the antibiotics. It finally all cleared up, but it took the mother of all antibiotics to do it. My best advice is to EAT LOTS OF ACTIVA YOGURT while you're dealing with this. It is hard to keep down, but will help get rid of the metallic taste in your mouth and protect against the secondary infection that can develop.

Send me an email if you need more info...I'm praying for you!