Reality Check

I've been less than honest in the spirit of giving most folks what thet want to hear and in the spirit of doing what has to be done. However, I am not doing well and I've pushed myself until I cannot push any more.

Two weeks in a foreign country with a new baby were hard -- not terrible, by any means, but hard on my body. Returning with a parasite has pretty much done me in. I kept trying to push on and go and do and I just cannot anymore.

Last night I was so incredibly sick all night long that I really thought I might end up in the hospital. The medicine I'm taking for the giardia makes me incredibly nauseous. I'm so incredibly tired all the time (and it's not from lack of sleep because poor Kevin is doing all the night time baby duty -- another fact I feel terribly guilty over), and I cannot eat as it makes me even more sick. Last night, I wanted a piece of candy to get rid of the horrible taste in my mouth and I had to throw it away because it made me even more nauseous. I can drink Sprite and Gatorade in very, very small doses, but I'm afraid of dehydrating so I force it.

How in the world can I take care of a new baby, take care o Josh, my home, my husband and even try to work as sick as I am? It's all very depressing. I know I sound like I'm whining -- and I am. I don't do sick very well and I certainly don't do sick without eating *smile* very well. I'm going to call my doctor again today to see what she says and will also call Ellie's doctor. I am scared beyond belief to try to give her the meds I'm on as they've made me so incredibly sick. I certainly would hate for her to feel this way as well, but the reality is that if she is the source of the buggy-boo, we have to treat her.

For those of you who have been concerned, no, it is not contagious except to those who are changing her diaper. So, yes, Kevin could be next in line. That would end me, I'm certain of it. Josh is FAR away from diapers *smile* as that's the one thing he won't do and I won't let him. Kevin is supposed to go back to work today. I don't have a clue how I'm going to work this. He may have to ask for some sick leave until this can pass -- another guilt moment for me. I hate asking for help -- from anyone, even him. I'm a "do-it-yourself" kind of person. Maybe this is another lesson. I'm not liking it regardless.

So, I write all this to ask you to pray for me -- for all of us really -- pray really, really hard. I need these prayers more than all the prayers offered to get her home because now she's here and I don't feel well enough to care for her.

Thank you!