Saturday, December 22, 2007

The "Why" Questions

I know God understands my heart. After all, He made me. He is the only person with the blueprint for my heart and my life. I think He understands when I look up at Him and go, "But why?"

Tonight was our Girl's Night Out (GNO) Christmas get-together (there will be separate post covering "The Girls") and we went to eat at O'Charley's. There was a family there waiting to be seated and we started talking to them. They had a little boy who was three, twins (a boy and a girl) who were two and the mom (22) was pregnant again. Now, all that is fine. I've finally gotten to a point that all that is just ok with me. But, the little boy was a little bit lively, and as they were walking in, he was acting up and the mom grabbed his arm and kicked him in the bottom. We all just kind of were stunned. She had said earlier when we were talking to her, "I had to get a job to get some time away from them." What?

Then, I come home to read in my email about a little boy in China who died before he was able to come home to his family. Granted I know he has been "matched" with the best family -- his eternal Father -- and his best home -- heaven, but it makes me sad. He is one of three who died this week waiting for their forever families.

I think the reason this really makes me the most sad, and angry, is because of a conversation I had with our agency this week (the first one that we are working with for China). We have waited and waited to hear from them about their decision on their policy on concurrent/interim adoption. While CCAA (China's Adoption governing body) has made a public statement allowing concurrent adoptions because of current wait times, our agency says:

As soon as the multi-agency organization (JCICS) publishes the list of agencies that are participating in concurrent adoptions, we will move forward with supporting families that request and are approved to do this. Until then, there are no guidelines or practices in place, and therefore, we are not in a position to approve these quite yet. As I'm sure you and your families can understand... this affects more than just our China program and the process of establishing a new policy is quite cumbersome. We hope that families appreciate our deliberate approach to being cautious and detailed in preparing for their adoption(s). We are working on developing specific interagency agreements, refund policies, social work assessment and reassessment tools for families and workers, and of course, clarifying with CCAA the details of their eligibility requirements should a child from another placement join the family prior to a Chinese child. We ask for workers and families to be patient as we move forward with all our "ducks in a row" so that the best interest of the child can continue to be provided, all while servicing families with these additional requests.

I spoke with our social worker this week and, for the first time, have become significantly upset with her and have voiced this displeasure. While this agency continues to spend months upon months debating the impact and developing policies and researching this, that and the other, BABIES ARE DYING!!!! I have explained that we are not trying to change the world, nor this agency, nor how they operate. I understand the need for developing appropriate, well thought out policies to protect both the agency and the children. However, this agency is a MULTI-BILLION dollar (non-profit) corporation whose mission is to find homes for children who need them. What I am trying to do is ascertain how much longer they will take and if they will allow this to happen. She said it could be months and she doesn't know if we will be able to do it. The director of the China program sent an email (that apparently wasn't supposed to be shared with us) asking multiple questions about how the process would go with our doing a concurrent adoption. I answered each and every question as it related to our situation and sent it back to our social worker. I was told, "These were rhetorical questions. The agency is developing their own answers to these questions and they do not need or want your input." Hmmmm... thanks. I reminded the social worker that they are a SERVICE-ORIENTED, FEE FOR SERVICE agency and that we had paid them several thousand dollars and that maybe a little cooperation would be nice. *sigh*

So . . . when I read stories about the babies that die waiting, or when I see the moms who have the babies who probably don't yet realize what a blessing they are (myself included in this at times, I think), I stop and ask, "Why?" No more, no less -- just, "Why?"

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