Looking Back . . .

I spent a little time this morning looking back over the posts from the first part of May. In particular I was looking for a Mother's Day post that talked about how I felt on Mother's Day last year. I thought I had written a post indicating how hard it was for me to be in church on Mother's Day and how I had really, really wanted our referral before then, but that even if I never had another child, I would be satisfied with the one I had and consider him a blessing.

Interestingly enough, as much as I remember those feelings vividly, I didn't find such a post. My Mother's Day post was pretty bland and the posts surrounding adoption talk were pretty factual. I'm sad, now, that I didn't write was I was really feeling during that day. I still remember it though, it was so powerful.

However, I look backward from a year's perspective and see that God had that referral ready and it came, instead of before Mother's Day, a sweet three days later. And now, a year later, we get to celebrate the sweetest Mother's Day by knowing that tomorrow Ellie's life will be dedicated and that we will promise in front of our church family and God to raise her to know Jesus. What a sweet blessing to get to do that on a day that only one year ago was so emotionally hard.

I think the lesson here for me (and maybe others who choose to embrace it) is that no matter how low we feel like our lives are, how far into despair we feel we have been cast, God is sitting from a place where he can see the whole picture and not just one day. If He has, like in our case, made a promise to you, He will fulfill it -- in His time, not ours. His blessings are rich, and we are an impatient lot. I'm sure He gets as frustrated with us as I do my kids sometimes. *smile* I am so thankful that He continues to love me in my sin and impatience, and that He has entrusted me with the lives of two children who are so very, very special to me.