Friday, August 1, 2008

Wait for it --- wait for it --

Tonight when we got home from our loooonnnngggg day out, Joshua was mad at me because I told him to carry all his things in from the car -- including the computer. He got huffy and I told him that he brought it all and he had to take it all back in.


When I came in the phone rang and I was talking to my friend Susan when I heard him mumbling something. I barely caught it, told Susan I had to go, hung up and said, "What did you just say?" "Nothing". "You need to tell me what you just said." "Nothing." "Joshua."


"All you care about is Ellie." In all honesty, the statement could have just as easily have been: All you ever talk about is Ellie. You love Ellie more than me. I'm tired of Ellie. You could take your pick on how the statement was going to come out Well, there it is. I wondered how long it would take. I knew it would come, just not when. I told him he needed to think about all I had just done for him today: taking him to Chattanooga to the museum, taking him out to eat several times, stopping to look for him some new football cleats, getting him a new mouthpiece for football, playing with him at the museum. I reminded him of the things I had done with him in just this last week. I asked him what brought this on. He said he was upset that HE wasn't getting presents in the mail like Ellie was and that I was making Ellie a blanket. *sigh*


I sat on the couch and tried to explain to him that when she comes things will change, but that instead of taking some of the love that I had for him and giving it to her, I would just have more love and that I would love her just like I did him. I would do for her just like I did him, but that HE didn't have to give up my love or time or the things I did for him just because she was coming. There would be enough for both of them.


I said, "What is sitting on the coffee table in front of you?" He replied, "My baseball book". Each year I take photos all season of his team and make a book for them at the end of the year. I said, "Who did I do that for?" He said, "Me." I asked him why did he think I got took the photos at every game. "For me." Yes. It is. I asked him if he thought I would have done that for the team if he were not on it. He said, "No." He's right. While it's a great team gift, it's for him that I do it.

I told him that when he was born he got lots of presents too and that for a little while, Ellie might get lots of present. This caused him to need to see the photos of when he was a baby. We got out eight photo albums and scrapbooks of him when he was little. There was one filled with photos of all the presents we received when he was born. He was amazed. We spent a long time looking at the albums and talking about his life when he was a baby. I think he felt a bit better when we were done. I'm also going to find the cross-stitched blanket his Aunt Angie made for him when he was a baby too. This one is very similar, which is why I got it. I wanted them to have similar blankets when they get older -- things to take with them when they get families and babies of their own.


I asked him, "So. Are you still going to be jealous when she gets presents at first?" He smiled that mischievous grin of his and said, "Maybe. If I don't get something too." *sigh* I know this is an emotional issue that's not going to be easy. I'm trying. I'm loving. I'm praying. And very open to suggestions from other families who have had older children and have adopted on how to deal with this issue.


Oh, and here's the contents of the package that started it all. My friend Terri will be mortified to read this because she is SUCH a sweetie pie to have sent us these goodies for Ellie. I think it just hit Josh on a day when HE really wanted mail. He even commented that day, "I used to get mail ALL the time."

Terri found the cutest stuffed elephant, embroidered an elephant on a mint green bib and added Ellie's name to it. In addition, she sent a onesie that says, "Worth the Wait". Too cute!!! I love them.


3 comments:

janiece said...

Oh just wait! Here everything, I mean EVERYTHING, has to be the same--right down to the number of strawberries on the plate. It's just part of th sibling issue. Ted's big sister pushed him under a couch when he was 2 months old--and they adore each other. Right now I have the jealousy issue with Rauan and Alihan--Rauan has decided we don't love him anymore--which is totally not the truth. I'm not sure if he believes that or if he is manipulating. Probably a bit of both. This too shall pass--but my gray hair is going keep popping up with all of this.

Jeanne said...

Maria, have you seen the new Gymboree collection for girls? It's polka dot elephant!

Jackie S said...

I don't have advice for you with regard to Josh. I am hopeful that those that send gifts for Ellie may think of Josh, too. However, it does sound like you did a fine job reminding him how loved he is :)

And, I love the gifts your friend Terri sent...adorable!!

Oh, I just had a thought...perhaps Josh would like to buy/find a special gift for his sister to welcome her home.

(you're such a wonderful mom, Maria!!)