How Hard is it to Order a New Remote?

We have satellite television at our house. I'm not going to mention the provider because mentioning company names on my blog always gets me in trouble (anyone remember the $175 sippy cup?? -- need I say more?).

We've had this same provider for about 8 or 9 years now. I suspect the remote control we've had is about that old as well. It has been dropped so many times we couldn't keep up with the number. The back is missing and the numbers and words are worn off of it.

So, when we replaced the batteries this time and it still wouldn't work, I knew it was time to order a new one. I went online to Satellite Company's website and searched the FAQs until I found where I could just do this via Live Chat. WOW!! I wouldn't have to call them, press 400 buttons and still be on hold for 40 minutes before I got to talk to the wrong person and have to be transferred. It is my lucky night. HA! I copied the transcript of this conversation because it was just humorous to me. You can tell the parts where I'm feeling a little "snitty". I mean, please.


Please wait while we find a representative to assist you...
You have been connected to (24DrDcb) Will S.
(24DrDcb) Will S: Thank you for choosing SATELLITE COMPANY NAME, the leader in DVR and HD. How may I assist you?
Maria: I need to order a new remote. Ours does not work, despite replacing batteries. No lights come on at all. [Notice I have clearly stated the problem.]
(24DrDcb) Will S: I’m very sorry to hear that you are having an issue. I’d be happy to assist you with that. Please give me 2-3 minutes to look into this for you. [Don't you LOVE how sappy sweet and polite CSRs are -- you know they are going, "Great, another problem!"]
Maria: Ok
(24DrDcb) Will S: Thank you. [See, all nice again.]
(24DrDcb) Will S: Are the batteries inserted properly? [UH... yes]
Maria: Yes
(24DrDcb) Will S: Thank you. [Ok, enough nice, let's just get this done.]
(24DrDcb) Will S: They should be inserted with the flat side of the battery first.
(24DrDcb) Will S: Are all four batteries this way? [ I KNOW how to put batteries in a remote control. I understand they have to ask because there ARE morons who don't know. But, when I said they were inserted properly, he continued to give me a lesson on what that looked like. Yes, I know, he's doing his job. I tried to be patient.]
Maria: Yes, they are inserted correctly. I know you have to go through your list, but the remote just doesn't work. We've had it for years and years. The buttons have no words on most of them. Nothing lights up. It's just broken.
(24DrDcb) Will S: Thank you. [This must be programmed into their computers. You know "Ctrl+T = Thank you."]
(24DrDcb) Will S: In this case, a replacement remote is needed. [Um, yes, that's what I said in the first sentence -- what happened to the customer is always right?)]
(24DrDcb) Will S: Your warranty covers the full cost of the replacement. [Actually, it's that maintenance fee you all tack onto my bill every month that covers it, but I didn't point that out.]
(24DrDcb) Will S: What is the UPS shipping address you would like the package shipped to? Maria: [I provide my address here]. Thank you so much for taking care of this.
(24DrDcb) Will S: You are very welcome. [Oooh, a new nice statement - Ctrl+W = "You are very welcome."]
Maria: When should we expect to receive it?
(24DrDcb) Will S: When you receive your remote, you will notice there are no return shipping labels. We do not ask that you return the defective remote to us. We are shipping your equipment by UPS BLUE 2ND DAY and you should receive it in 3-5 days. [ok, note he says I do NOT have to return the remote]
Maria [written before I got the above response]: And should we return the defective remote -- will there be a return authorization?
(24DrDcb) Will S: Yes. [So, now we SHOULD return it and there will be an authorization - huh?]
Maria: Ok, you said there would not be labels and we should not return it, but then you said I should return it -- which one? [yes, I'm sorry, I'm feeling snitty at this point]
(24DrDcb) Will S: There will be a return authorization but you do not need to return anything. [why is there a return authorization if I don't need to return anything?? Doesn't this seem wasteful and a lot of work?]
(24DrDcb) Will S: Sorry for the confusion. [I'm still confused. Ctrl+S = "I'm sorry"]
Maria: That's ok -- thank you.
(24DrDcb) Will S: You're very welcome. [Ctrl+W again]
(24DrDcb) Will S: Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Maria: No, that will do it -- thanks!

So, I have a new remote control on the way -- which is really all I wanted. My mother would say I'm just too uptight. I think she might be right. Next time I'll let Joshua handle it. *smile*