Can A Photo Break Your Heart?

I got new photos today (as noted in the post entitled "50"). I've had trouble looking at them. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE that I have photos of her. I know that when she is older, they will be important to her. I know that 60 days or from now when I am back home with her and our family is together, those photos won't bother me as much as they do right now, but today, they do.

I can't share them here, but my daughter is lying in a crib -- looking up. Her clothes, while clean, are old, too big and don't match. And, what I believe bothers me most are her eyes. Not that anything is wrong, it's just haunting to me. She isn't smiling; she is ... existing, breathing, eating, sleeping -- existing.

I look at them and ache to reach through the screen to pick her up. I can physically feel her in my arms. I'm going to be honest -- this is really, really hard. I can talk, jokingly, to others about how she'll never be a contestant on What Not to Wear when she gets home. I can joke that she'll never be put down and be spoiled, but inside, my heart is hurting from the longing to get on a plane and go get her from there. I try to not think about the hours she lies there waiting for someone to look in on her, feed her, give her any attention at all, but I can't help it -- I do think about it, frequently. And while I'm trying to do all the things I can to pass the time and to make sure I'm the most ready I can be for her, all of it is just futile and worthless because in all honesty, everything in the world being ready DOES NOT MATTER -- she is ready. She needs her family; she needs to come home -- just like countless others who are waiting.

*****
Update: As I read back over this post, I was struck that this must be how God feels when He looks down on lost souls -- how their eyes must haunt Him, how they are just existing and how His heart aches to get them out of their lost condition. I imagine the great life we want to give Ellie -- if we could just get her home. God has great things planned for the lost as well -- a better life, an eternity with Him. The reality is that all the worldly things in the world don't matter if we don't get to come home in the end. WOW! Thank you, God, for the reminder.