Dear Ellie

Dear Ellie -

I have arrived in your country. I am a mere hour's drive away from you. As soon as the plane touched down in Bishkek, I said to Jennifer, "I can feel her from here." I would love nothing more than to come to you now and bring you back here to the hotel with me, but I have to wait about 28 more hours before that can happen.

I ask your forgiveness now. Sometimes as parents we have to do things that will hurt for a little while but that are best for our children in the long run. I know that, tomorrow when I take you from all that you know and that is normal to you, you will be sad and confused. I am sorry. But I know, unlike you do at this tender age, that what our family can provide for you is better than what your life would be here. I hope you understand that I am not talking about material things because I am certainly not. I am talking about what we promise to provide to make your life better. We will provide the stimulation you need for your brain to develop to allow you to learn and become the smart woman I know you will be. We will provide the proper nutrition for your body to develop and become strong. We will love you -- unconditionally.

We will provide a loving environment made up of a father, mother, brother, and a whole community of people who love you and long for you to come home. We will hold you when you cry; we will take care of you if you are sick. We will protect you from harm. All three of us will play with you, read to you, take you places and teach you things. We will introduce you to Jesus Christ so that we can spend eternity with you. We will support whatever decisions you make in the future about finding your birth family and realizing who you were and where you came from. We will remind you of your heritage and love the fact that you came from another country -- while simultaneously supporting your American life now. .

We have spent three very long years praying for your arrival and I am so close to you that it seems so unreal. God has heard our petitions to Him for you. He has chosen us to be your forever family. We do not take that responsibility lightly. I consider it such a blessing that your daddy and brother allowed me to be the one who got to come to pick you up and has allowed me the freedom to spend this uninterrupted time with you. I realize it came at a cost for them and that they are doing this because of how much they already love you as well.

My prayer today, in these early wee hours of the morning, is that you will know that I am your mama, that you will accept me and love me as much as I know I already accept and love you, that you will trust me to take care of you. Accept my stumblings with you, for I am far from a perfect mom. You can ask Joshua. But what I lack in ability, I will make up for in unconditional, undeniable, overflowing love for you.

Make it through this one more day and one more night, wee little princess. Your mama is very, very close and will be there soon.

All my love,
Mama