Monday, September 15, 2008

24 Days

I have now downloaded all the photos I will need for this blog countdown until 1 day before I leave. As I did that, it became very real about how few days left there really are and how quickly those will go.

Here are a few photos of me and Ms. Ellie.

This is Ellie with our translator, Aliya. She is the same age as Ellie's birthmom.

I have spent a lot of time wondering about Ellie's birthmom in the last two days. Let me explain a bit.

Three years ago, we had a failed placement of a little girl, H., who was three. Her birthmom decided to parent, and we were very supportive of that decision even though it broke our hearts at the time. We never knew what happened to them, and assumed we would not ever know. Yesterday, out of the blue, I got an email from H's birthmom. Imagine my surprise. She told me that she and H. had made a go of it after our situation but that she knew, about a year and a half later, due to many issues, that she needed to go through with her original plan to find an adoptive family for H. She was in another state by that time and found a family for H. They have a semi-open adoption and H's birthmom sent me pictures of her now with her new family and pictures of them together on one of their visits together. I was amazed at the resemblances between the two and how strikingly beautiful they both are. It made me a little sad to know that we weren't her forever family, but I know, that God had other plans for us. It stopped me for a while, wondering, "Why now, God? Why did she find me now?" And, I realize, that no matter what the timing, I am very, very thankful to know what happened to them and that they are both doing well. I know she wanted to say she was sorry to us, but we knew that H. didn't belong with our family -- as much as we wanted to be her family. She still belonged to her mom at that time. How could I ever find fault in a mom who wanted to try to parent her daughter?

So now, I wonder about Ellie's birthmom just a bit more -- does she look just like Ellie? I wonder, one day, out of the blue, if we'll find one another? For Ellie's sake, I hope so. I would love to give her the pieces of her past, when she is older and ready for them. I hope that she will find the answers to the questions that will run through her mind at intervals through her life. Because I am now so very able to put a face and a heart with H. and her birthmom and know the raw emotions associated with making a choice to give your child a better life and the never-ending effects that go along with that decision, I am even more thankful that Ellie's mom made that unselfish choice for her life and that I get the blessing of calling her my daughter. And, I am also very thankful that my own birthmom made that choice for me as well -- allowing me to have a better life and the life I have now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's such a blessing to know how that situation played out. And to know that she is with a good family!